Your loved one is upset and claims that someone has stolen their wallet or purse. Or they continue to ask where their spouse is or what time they need to be at work.
How do you respond?
You know they have simply misplaced their wallet again. Or that their spouse died nearly 5 years ago or that they haven’t worked in 10 years.
But how you reply can unintentionally escalate the situation into an argument or anxiety.
So, how do you respond to confusion in loved ones living with dementia?
While telling the truth is generally good advice in life, when interacting with someone living with memory impairment, the truth may only cause more agitation.
Learning to respond with insight will become easier once you understand how hard it can be for those living with dementia to make sense of their unfamiliar world.
What’s Happening in the Brain?
Your loved one isn’t intentionally making false claims. But their damaged brain cells are affecting their memory, reasoning and judgment, which in turn disrupts their ability to communicate.
- Memory Gaps: People with dementia are often unable to remember recent events or to distinguish between past and present. When this occurs, the brain may try to fill in the gaps with slivers of older or even false memories.
- Perceptual Changes: Dementia can affect how people interpret what they see, hear or feel. This can lead to misinterpretations and make them believe something has happened when it hasn’t.
- Emotional Processing: The ability to regulate emotions is another challenge of dementia. Confusion can quickly turn into frustration, fear or anger. They may feel that you’re accusing them of dishonesty or questioning their feelings.
Why Arguing Doesn’t Help
When a loved one insists that something did or didn’t happen, your instinct may be to help them remember correctly. The problem, however, is that their viewpoint is very real to them. You’re actually challenging their reality.
Imagine someone telling you that what you know to be true is actually false. Feeling fear, confusion or defensiveness would be a normal response.
Arguing with someone living with dementia will typically only increase their emotions – and very rarely change their belief.
Tips for Responding with Compassion
These strategies can help caregivers relieve stress and help loved ones feel heard. Remember to look for ways to connect – not correct.
1. How to Respond to Confusion in Dementia: Validate Their Emotions
Even if their words don’t reflect reality, their emotions are real and they are telling you how they see their world. Acknowledge their feelings to help them feel understood.
What to Say
Instead of: That didn’t happen.
Try: That sounds upsetting. Tell me more about it.
2. How to Respond to Confusion in Dementia: Avoid Arguing or Correcting
Focus on their feelings rather than the facts. Correcting them may feel logical, but it often causes distress.
What to Say
Instead of: No one stole your purse; you misplaced it.
Try: You’re worried about your purse. Let’s look for it together.
3. How to Respond to Confusion in Dementia: Redirect the Conversation
If the topic is distressing them, try shifting their focus to something comforting or familiar.
What to Say
Try: Let’s take a walk together and talk about it.
Try: Oh, that reminds me! Did I tell you about [a pleasant memory]?
4. How to Respond to Confusion in Dementia: Use Therapeutic Lying Carefully
The best way to ease distress is often to go along with their reality. This is less about deception and more about meeting your loved one where they are. For example, if they insist a deceased relative is alive –
What to Say
Instead of: Don’t you remember? They died two years ago.
Try: They’re not here right now, but I’m sure they’re thinking of you.
5. How to Respond to Confusion in Dementia: The Role of Environment
Sometimes, confusion can be caused from environmental triggers. Make sure your loved one’s surroundings are calm, uncluttered and familiar.
You may be able to reduce confusion by labeling drawers with their contents or placing photographs of family members to help provide a visual cue.
6. How to Respond to Confusion in Dementia: Seek Professional Guidance
If the moments of confusion become frequent or particularly distressing, consider seeking advice from memory care professionals.
Memory care communities are equipped to handle such situations with expertise and can also provide tips and support for families.
How Memory Care Communities Can Help
As dementia is a progressive disease, it is not uncommon for families to eventually discover they can no longer provide the level of care that is needed. Take a look at how memory care communities can support both residents and families in these situations:
- Skilled Communication Techniques: Staff are trained to validate emotions, redirect conversations and de-escalate stressful moments without contradicting or making residents feel diminished.
- Personalized Care Plans: Memory care communities develop individualized care plans that consider the resident’s unique history, preferences and triggers, which can help reduce confusion, agitation and anxiety.
- Safe and Familiar Environment: These communities are designed to minimize environmental triggers that can lead to false beliefs or confusion and also have security features to keep residents safe.
- Support for Families: Memory care teams often offer education and support groups for family members, helping them with options for how to respond and continue feeling part of caring for their loved one.
Memory Support at Presbyterian Village North
At Presbyterian Village North, we support both the individual and the family as they navigate the dementia journey.
We focus on the quality of life for our residents with a staff specially trained in the best practices of dementia care. Residents make their homes in private apartments while benefiting from the daily interactions with others and participating in our exercise, music, art and cognitive therapies.
With outdoor seating and dining possibilities, our secure garden courtyard and protected walking paths encourage our residents to venture outside while remaining safe from wandering.
We also provide the following services:
- Licensed nursing staff on site 24/7
- Medication administration
- Assistance with activities of daily living
- Chef-prepared cuisine
- Special activities and social programs
- Access to a full continuum of care
Presbyterian Village North is a compassionate resource for your loved one and your family. Please call (800) 400-4130 if you have any questions or would like to schedule a personal visit to our community.