For some families, there are moments in the dementia journey that can distinctly feel like a goodbye, even though their loved one is sitting right in front of them. One significant occasion is when a parent or spouse no longer knows their name or recognizes their face.
And yet, even in late stage dementia, when memories are fractured or appear gone, if the family looks closely enough they will see that something remains. While this time is not easy, turning the focus to what remains and not what is lost can greatly help.
Exploring what is still reachable, joyful and even beautiful can create meaningful experiences you can share with your loved one.
Late Stage Dementia: A Quiet, Uncharted Landscape
If you’re reading this, you’re likely caring for or close to someone in late stage dementia. While there can be considerable and dramatic changes, it doesn’t mean you are no longer able to share your love.
While it can be painful to watch language and familiar routines fade, you can still find ways to connect with a loved one, especially by paying attention to their senses and emotions.
What Isn’t Lost in Late Stage Dementia: Ways to Still Connect
Even when memory is gone, emotions can linger. A person with advanced dementia might not remember your name, but they may smile when they hear your voice. They may light up when a favorite song plays. They may feel calm and safe at the touch of your hand. These responses are real. They are expressions of the relationship but don’t rely on accessing memories.
Remember, you won’t be able to fix, restore or bring back their ability to remember, but there are still ways you can share meaning.
Consider these suggestions to connect with a loved one in late stage dementia:
- Touch
Gently hold a hand. Tuck a warm blanket around them. Give them a hug. These simple gestures speak louder than words. - Music
Even when speech is difficult, the brain can still respond to rhythm and melody. Hearing a favorite song can often stir something inside. - Small Daily Acts
Spend time together with daily, loving actions, such as brushing hair, reading from a favorite book or sitting in a sunny spot. - Smell and Taste
The aroma of a favorite meal or the scent of a flower can spark recognition or soothe anxiety. Comfort foods and familiar scents can be powerful and reassuring. - Your Presence
Try not to focus on signs of recognition. Your loved one can still feel that you are someone who cares. Just sit with them. Hold their hand. Speak to them if you wish. Try to release any need for the visit to go a certain way. - Search for Comfort, Not Clarity
You aren’t trying to orient them to reality but helping them feel peaceful wherever they may be. If they think you are someone else, that is okay. If they’re looking for someone long gone, it’s better to reassure and not correct. Think about how you can make them feel secure. - Celebrate Micro-Moments
A glance. A smile. The feel of your hand in theirs. These moments may be fleeting — but they are real. And they count for both of you.
Late Stage Dementia: Reframing the Loss
When someone you love doesn’t remember who you are, the loss is real for you. But it can help to look at your relationship from a different perspective. Even if it means you cry in the car after a visit, it’s important to know that not only do you make a difference but that you are also receiving meaningful gifts.
The gift of being present without needing to fix.
The gift of learning that love exists beyond language.
The gift of honoring a parent in their most vulnerable moments.
The gift of grace — for them and for yourself.
Late Stage Dementia: A New Kind of Goodbye
Sadly, the dementia journey doesn’t have a single goodbye, but often several. Yet each one, while heartbreaking, is also an invitation to love without expecting anything in return.
Because even when so much is gone, there is still something beautiful in what remains.
You. And your love.
Memory Support at Presbyterian Village North
At Presbyterian Village North, we support both the individual and the family as they navigate the dementia journey.
We focus on the quality of life for our residents with a staff specially trained in the best practices of dementia care. Residents make their homes in private apartments while benefiting from the daily interactions with others and participating in our exercise, music, art and cognitive therapies.
With outdoor seating and dining possibilities, our secure garden courtyard and protected walking paths encourage our residents to venture outside while remaining safe from wandering.
We also provide the following services:
- Licensed nursing staff onsite 24/7
- Medication administration
- Assistance with activities of daily living
- Chef-prepared cuisine
- Special activities and social programs
- Access to a full continuum of care
Presbyterian Village North is a compassionate resource for your loved one and your family. Please call (214) 355-9000 if you have any questions or would like to schedule a personal visit to our community.